Conan The Barbarian (15)
Released in the UK 24th August 2011. Running Time: 113 mins.
Directed by Marcus Nispel, written by Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer & Sean Hood.
(Adapted from the Conan stories of Robert E. Howard)
Starring: Jason Momoa, Steven Lang, Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan & Ron Perlman. Narrated by Morgan Freeman.
By Crom! Conan the Barbarian is not a good film. It may have action and blood spurts aplenty but what captivated readers so intensely in Robert E Howard’s novels was their heart and while in this Conan you’ll probably see your fair share of disembodied ones there is little or no real feeling.
The plot is based on Howard’s original novels and follows the orphaned barbarian Conan (Jason Momoa) as he seeks revenge on the man who killed his father and tribe. He encounters a highly annoying female monk along the way and finds himself protecting her from the very same man he is hunting and his sadistic witch daughter who wish to summon an army of the dead to conquer the world.
After proving his ability to captivate audiences in Game of Thrones, it’s disappointing that, here, Momoa is little more than a slab of, albeit very attractive, meat. He manages action scenes well and is believable as the one-man barbarian army but the lifeless script gives him little opportunity to shine in any way other than the glisten of his well-oiled chest.
Rose MacGowan is the only main cast-member to really show anything resembling a strong performance. And while that’s largely down to pantomime villainy and a makeover which gives her the semblance of the terrifying love child of Lady Gaga and Freddy Krueger, she is entertaining. There are supporting performances that show promise from Said Taghmaoui ( Lost ) as slippery thief Ela-Shan and Nonso Anozie (soon to be Game of Thrones’ Xaro Xhoan Daxos) as Conan’s closest friend, but both are left completely under-developed.
Conan the Barbarian looks good but that’s pretty much all there is to it. When even Ron Perlman’s bellowing and delivering of a DIY caesarean can’t save the audience from boredom it’s a sure sign that the film really isn’t worth your time.
Genevieve Taylor, Film Journalist
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