The R-Patz Factz is – as the name suggests – a book of facts about the actor Robert Pattinson, he of Twilight, Harry Potter and Cosmopolis fame. The thing is, none of these ‘facts’ are actually true (as far as we know). This is because the book is in fact a work of parody, and while any bookseller will tell you that the vast majority of so-called ‘humour’ titles are not worth the paper on which they are printed, The R-Patz Factz offers more than a few genuine laughs despite its short length.
A list of made-up facts about a Hollywood actor may seem like a strange premise for a book, and indeed it is. Divided into eighteen chapters, including Early Years, Acting, Language, Sex and Unfortunate Misunderstandings, these ‘facts’ range from the slightly weird to the outright bizarre, and some are just plain disgusting! Not every one of them hits the mark comedically, but they’re delivered in such rapid-fire fashion that every page features several laugh-out-loud moments. Some are funny due to nothing more than their sheer surreality, and some thanks to a nifty turn of phrase, but most display the sort of delight in wanton absurdity that characterises the work of authors like Douglas Adams and Robert Rankin. Some choice examples include:
Robert Pattinson’s house has a room where the surfaces are covered with pages detailing the the whereabouts of the duck in every Usbourne book.
Robert Pattinson was banned from playing cricket in the Greater London District schools tournament after he was found guilty of using a Quantum Kraken to be everywhere at once.
Robert Pattinson has submitted fourteen comics to 2000 AD, all featuring Robot Pattinson, a charismatic acting-bot who solves sexy crimes.
Robert Pattinson doesn’t trust cheese. Sometimes it has holes in it, sometimes it doesn’t. ‘If people were like that, what would you say?’ he says.
Of course, the fact that it is specifically Robert Pattinson at the centre of this book is effectively inconsequential; such humorously surreal titbits could be written about any person, real or fictional, and maintain their comedic impact. But the fact that the book’s subject is the man who brought Edward Cullen to life on the silver screen does seem to add to the amusement, as do a series of crude (and somewhat grotesque) illustrations giving visual representation to some of the more disturbing ‘facts’ listed throughout the book.
The R-Patz Factz will not be to everyone’s tastes, but its authors have succeeded in creating an amusing distraction which is best appreciated for the harmless bit of fun that it is. It’s short at only thirty pages, but you’re guaranteed a few good laughs along the way.
The book is available in a variety of digital formats from Smashwords here.
Jim Taylor, Chief Literary Correspondent, www.geekzine.co.uk
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